Doctor, Lawyer, Patient, Parent
Has this ever been you?
….patients who once might have revered them for their knowledge and skill often arrive at the office armed with a sense of personal expertise, gleaned from a few hours on www.WebMD.com, doctors said, not to mention a disdain for the medical system in general.
The “their” referred to is doctors; the sentence is from The Falling Professions, in the January 7th New York Times. No longer, the NY Times asserts, do lawyers and doctors enjoy the same cultural authority, or the high(est) salaries, in an age of college-degree-less techno wonders making billions, and ye average patient/consumer/parent able to search on the web and in the databases of medical research to find out more information than one might wish for (keeping in mind that the reliability and accuracy of web content varies from site to site). Certainly I’ve been a parent who, wrongly or rightly, has more than once gone to see a doctor, Charlie in tow and myself “armed with information” (with extra copies for the doctor).
And why is it that parents of autistic children so often remember (as on a recent post) a certain appointment with a doctor, or simply something a doctor said, and how terribly they felt afterwards; that the reason that one’s child was not development was one’s own fault?
11 opinions for Doctor, Lawyer, Patient, Parent
Marla
Jan 6, 2008 at 12:51 pm
I can relate to this one. I remember all of our doctors and all of the reasons we have “fired” each one. We see a new neurologist next week in the hopes of finding one closer to our home. We love the one over two hours away but the drive is very stressful for M. I am praying that this doctor will do all of M’s medications where the other doctor will not do her “attention” meds. Having just one doctor would be great. There are many times when I know we have more knowledge than the doctor’s. Most have never taken the time to research M’s past, her seizure disorder and now chromosome disorder. We have fired most doctor’s for how they treat us. Not returning important phone calls, or giving us really bad advice where M is concerned. One child psychiatrist made M stand in a corner in her office as punishment for not cleaning up the toys when she was done. She also informed us that locking M in her room was acceptable and warranted since she was “obviously manipulating you”. She said this in regards to M’s seizures which were not diagnosed at the time. She believed M was doing it on purpose. In many cases our experience has been that it is very very easy to know more than some doctors. Especially when it comes to common sense and how we treat our daughter. It was not until 2007 that we found decent doctors. That is a long time to be looking considering we have been searching since she was born and she is now ten.
Laura Collins
Jan 6, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I so relate. I still do my homework, but I’ve mostly given up even saying what I’ve learned. Now I just use the background information to evaluate the doctor’s knowledge. If it all matches up, great. If not, I decide whether to get a second opinion.
I have only met two doctors who actively encouraged my educating myself - no coincidence that we still use both of them.
I don’t expect doctors to know everything, but I do expect them to know that too!
resilientmom
Jan 6, 2008 at 1:06 pm
I read the NYTimes piece this morning and contemplated its impact, as my typical children are in college now, concerned about chosing their majors, law being one of them. It seems trite compared to the concerns regarding the future of our autistic son, nevertheless the reality is that they too need to consider what’s next .
I am reminded of my Mother’s words:”A doctor is great if he helps you…” Perhaps the same attribute can be applied to lawyers as well.
The notion of parents creating the autsim, or not looking into the eyes of their newborn is a bunch of hooey. Our quadruplet preemies had so many tubes and wires coming out of them after birth they couldn’t see zilch, as a matter of fact their eyes were taped to avoid exposure to the ultraviolet rays due to jaundice.
Guess what? They all can see and hear perfectly now. We looked into their eyes and held them with every bit of strength imaginable. They responded lovingly as infants and toddlers, however one is autistic.
Does that mean we didn’t look hard enough into his eyes, or that we didn’t envelop him into our arms as much?
Doctors who make statements as this should return to the drawing board and find a new profession. It is true, a doctor who helps you is a good one. Sometimes the help comes in a package saying “I don’t know”, and not faultling anyone.
Kristina Chew, PhD
Jan 6, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Charlie’s pediatric neurologist tells us to go look up things on the internet—-says he figures we are anyways……. Sometimes, especially because of all the legal issues to be considered for Charlie—-IDEA, and then guardianship at 18 and more—Jim and I have wished that we were lawyers. But then a friend who works at a “top law firm” has long disliked his job and long thought about leaving (and has not, for various reasons). I certainly did not choose what I’m doing with any thought of salaries or “prestige”; I was good at Latin and Greek and I liked writing and literature and that’s how I fell into doing what I’m doing.
@resilient mom: I advise students about graduate school and law school is often at the top of the list for many students. I do try to point out that there’s a lot more that you can do with a law degree than work for a big international corporation——special ed law and disabilities are not “glamorous,” sure, but what a way to make a difference.
KimJ
Jan 6, 2008 at 1:49 pm
I only use doctors for the bare minimum. Especially once my son was assessed for autism, we no longer needed a typical pediatrician marking his “milestones”. So, he goes for physicals, the rare antibiotics and the occasional eraser-stuck-in-the-nose visits.
I’m armed with some information and if I’m ignorant of something, I just wait to give an answer. (such as the casual suggestion to give Ritalin to my son or sleeping aids) I don’t like to shop for doctors.
I’m particularly marked by my mom’s experience, she was mistreated by an older GP and suffered with hypothyroidism (she had a large goiter) when he was telling her it was “all in her head” and would only refer her to a shrink. Instead of being leery of doctors, she become a doc-hopper. She’ll shop until she hears what she wants. Which isn’t always the medically sound answer.
M'sDad
Jan 6, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Also having had very mixed experiences with doctors’ response to M’s difficulties, I can relate to all the above. I should also say that the doctors who seemed most responsive both to parent-preparation and parent observation and most willing to take the time both to explain and understand layers of complexity have been (SOME of) the “DAN” doctors with whom we have consulted. (Note: some! others have seemed more eager to follow a protocol or a template than to ascertain its appropriateness to M’s situation. We no longer work with them.) Thus, just as it would seem that there are good and not-so-good ways to implement ABA, I’m still convinced that there are both quacky and not-so-quacky DAN/biomedical approaches. Problem is, of course, that so many of the doctors (for ex. Wakefield, Krigsman) have been appropriated (by both, or even several, “sides”) and demonized/canonized almost on principle, prescinding from the actual negative/positive effect their work has had on individuals. But maybe this is taking this post in a direction other than it was intended.
Schwartz
Jan 6, 2008 at 2:10 pm
My disdain for the Medical profession is pretty high, but I do think that many of them are a product of the system. The system does not encourage appropriate or productive behaviour.
Without changes to the system (which certainly includes the way they are taught), the output will not change.
resilientmom
Jan 6, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Thanks Kristina,
Your advice and introspection is sound. My son’s siblings are sensitive to the issues regarding autism; they want to change the world.
Sometimes I do believe they are more medically savvy than the professionals.
xRobin
wskrz
Jan 6, 2008 at 4:46 pm
My biggest issue with some people in the medical community is not so much the quality of care, but the lack of listening skills. I realize that many of the doctors are put into a revolving door situation by the insurance companies (see x number of patients to make daily quota), but it’s amazing how much listening to the patient and/or parent will make their job so much easier.
We had one of those doctors and we “fired” her pretty quickly. It wasn’t so much that she made us feel bad for what she said, but more that she wouldn’t validate or look into our concerns. After all, “she was the doctor.”
We’ve got a great doctor now and she’s going to be my son’s doctor for a long time, if I can help it.
Daisy
Jan 6, 2008 at 10:27 pm
I have often considered law as a second career; special ed law, to be specific. If I choose to or need to leave teaching, I may go that way. My experiences as a regular education teacher and as a special ed parent could only be helpful.
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