Fighting Words
Jenny McCarthy continues her battle against autism, and now former baseball star Darryl Strawberry is going to bat for autism. While such fighting words are frequently heard in reference to autism, I prefer (anot to use such military metaphors as I wrote back in March:
People and parents in particular draw on these metaphors of warfare against the external enemy of autism because that is what they feel is going on in their day to day life with an autistic child. Nonetheless, such metaphors can have harmful effects in and of themselves………Describing autism as something to be combatted, fought against, waged war upon, done battle to; as some external, poisonous, unknown thing that has invaded not only one’s household but the body of one’s child turns life with autism into war, combat and a battlefield and the child with autism into the carrier of all that is to be fought against. And, as I wrote at the end of the post The truth about autism: It’s not toxic, whatever our views of autism aetiology,
The truth about autism is something far simpler, I think.
The truth about autism is our children who have autism—autistic persons themselves—and the daily round of joys and struggles that they go through, and that parents of autistic children try very hard to understand.
Sure, it’s just a matter of words to talk about “fighting autism” instead of “living with” it, having some peace. For my son at least it is never an easy thing to get out the right words: He can only say so many at a time and each is chosen with care, and loaded with meaning. Our words are two and perhaps it would be well for us to think about what we’re really saying when we talk about defeating, combatting, etc. autism.
7 opinions for Fighting Words
qchan63
Oct 18, 2007 at 1:59 pm
Kristina,
Thank you for making this very important point.
We were at an autism walk a year or so ago — it was before Autism Speaks took over NAAR, but there were nevertheless a lot of rallying cries there about “battling autism,” etc.
Later that day, at home, my daughter seemed upset, and finally confided in me that she had had a “daydream” about her autistic younger brother getting hurt or killed.
I was a little shocked, and asked her why she had thought of that. She said it was because she had heard so much at the walk about people wanting to fight or stamp out or defeat autism.
She interpreted that as meaning they wanted to stamp out HIM.
I found that incredibly enlightening — she understood, implicitly, that autism is a part of who her brother is, not something that can be just excised or extinguished. And also that he, by virtue of being born a certain way, shouldn’t be considered some kind of public enemy.
Her insight is actually a big reason i’ve come to embrace the notions of acceptance and respect so strongly — although (pre-emptive strike against all those nattering “You don’t even want to help your child!” types out there) we’re doing all we can to help him reach his full potential.
Cliff
Oct 18, 2007 at 2:12 pm
I’m impressed with your daughter, qchan63. That is really such a degree of insight and empathy in regards to the statements made by groups that wish to eliminate autism. It seems many have real issue understanding that implicitly.
Cliff
Gabrielle
Oct 18, 2007 at 4:41 pm
Kristina, your post is so timely! I just sent you an email regarding this very issue.
As always, I appreciate your insight and your excellent writing. Thank you.
Another Voice
Oct 18, 2007 at 4:58 pm
Qchan63,
Your daughter is more perceptive than a large number of adults. Those words having that impact upon her leads me to question the even greater impact they would have when heard by autistic people.
I suppose people mean well they are just not very considerate in their use of words.
qchan63
Oct 18, 2007 at 5:28 pm
Cliff and Another Voice,
Yes, i was stunned, and (i have to say) a little embarrassed for myself at her observation — all that “fighting” rhetoric at the walk had just sort of washed over me without really registering.
I guess we as adults are so socialized to this stuff, and also are obviously more used to such words being used metaphorically.
Still — there’s the old saying, “So simple even a child can understand.” I think some things are so simple that it almost TAKES a child to understand.
(And yes AV, it certainly is sobering to think of the impact these words can have on autistic people.)
Joeymom
Oct 18, 2007 at 5:58 pm
I’m too busy battling the school and the insurance company. Autism isn’t a battlefield. It just is. Now… the fight to get services… THERE’S a battlefield (which is just shouldn’t be… but there it is.)
Stuff for Autism: Toothpaste, Vodka…….
Oct 18, 2007 at 11:15 pm
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