Sisters; or, Why Language Is Sometimes Overrated
“I just love it when they’re at this point when they understand everything you say but they haven’t learned all the words themselves yet,” said a mother at the pool today to me. She was talking about her younger daughter, who was not quite two, with curls and highly attentive to all around her.
Charlie was humming while splashing and kicking his way round the pool. I thought about how long it has been, and very likely will be, that he will understand so much more—everything, even—than he has words to respond with.
The other mother’s elder daughter, aged 5, was having a swimming lesson. I had mentioned a few minutes before that my son has autism; I had also noted, in the course of chatting, that I had grown up with only an older sister and that, while we lead completely separate lives on the opposite coasts of the country, I feel very close to my sister: I never have to say who I am when I call, I send her emails about very random things with little explanation. The other mother looked relieved when I said this and realized that she had put her younger daughter’s little orange Crocs on the wrong feet.
“Do you have other children?” she asked me.
“No, just Charlie. I…….,” I began; I saw Charlie climbing out, his pulled-open eyes and pressed hands speaking his question. I smiled and got up to walk, shoulder to shoulder, with him (almost shivering from excitement), to the stairs up the water slide. We were wordless.
‘Nough said.
5 opinions for Sisters; or, Why Language Is Sometimes Overrated
athena
Jul 31, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Hallo Kristina. I have recently discovered autismvox and I must admit I’m addicted to it. I have spent the past one and a half year searching on the Internet for information about autism, as my son, who is now 3 and a half years old, was diagnosed at that time. I’ve learned a lot about autism and words I didn’t even know that existed are now in my everyday vocabulary. We live in Greece and in our town, as delightful it is to live here, is not alwasy possible to get adequate guidelines about what we should do to help our son. At the time he is doing speech therapy and occupational therapy twice a week. Although it has helped a lot, I wonder if there is something more we should be doing.
We also have only one child. I think I’d like to have more children if somebody could guarantee that they will not be autistic. It’s difficult enough getting through the day with just one autistic child. And then I think of my childhood and how much I enjoyed having my two brothers around and I feel very selfish. Moreover, siblings are supposed to have positive effect on autistic childrens’ behavior (don’t they?). Maybe it is worth taking the risk if you consider the benefit and at the moment what’s best for my son is also best for me.
mommy~dearest
Jul 31, 2007 at 4:12 pm
A beautiful story. Jaysen and I too, often have “wordless” conversations. Other times, all it takes is an exchange of glances to speak volumes. I often spend more time interpreting his mannerisms, or explaining how I “knew what he was thinking”, than the exchange itself.
I attribute it to being attuned your child, and part of that special motherly bond.
AJ
Aug 1, 2007 at 1:18 am
I’m very close to my sister, though she is extremely judgemental…..I don’t disclose much to her regarding my kids. She very much wants me to remain the “little sister”.
I’m very fortunate because, when I married, I inherited two remarkable girls. They, in turn, have been remarkable sisters to their younger siblings. They have set a wonderful example of how to be a sister to Julia, who, in turn, is the most amazing sister to her two ASD younger siblings.
Julia has learned how to be a great big sister from her two big sisters. And JP and Ely have reaped the benefits of having three great big sisters. I often sit and watch, amazed, at the unspoken conversations these five have. There are times that the two youngest ones crawl up on the laps of the older ones and put heads on shoulders….but won’t come near me or Dad. There’s just something about siblings…..
In fact, I had both Big Girls with me in the delivery room when little siblings were born! That’s how involved they’ve been. And I’m grateful that it continues….an incredibly close-knit group.
Kristina Chew, PhD
Aug 1, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Athena, it’s really great to “meet” you—-I want to respond to your last point but Charlie already has his swimsuit on: Your comment deserves a post unto itself!
Heidi Clover
Aug 1, 2007 at 4:36 pm
I loved reading this post. I smiled when I read about Charlie speaking his question without using any words, and thought about the many ways me and Sami communicate without speaking (or more accurately, he communicates to me without speaking). It’s amazing how little we actually need words. Thank you for sharing.
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