Square Pegs
For the past two weeks, one post after another has been about the exclusion of autistic individuals: 13-year-old Adam Race from church—and by a restraining order. 5-year-old Alex Barton from his kindergarten class—and by a “voting out” process that has had more than a few echoes of the “Survivor” reality TV show.
But these cases weren’t the stuff of network drama (like this TV show—remember the “mercuritol”?). They were real things that happened to real autistic people and—based on what’s been said ‘round the web and here on this blog—this kind of exclusion is not at all uncommon. And it’s not unusual especially when attempts are made to include autistic individuals—in “mainstream” educational settings, in public places in the community, among society.
A couple of times in the back and forth about Adam Race I noted that, even as the discussion was getting pretty acrimonious at times, I was perhaps not glad but heartened that we were having it; that we are having it. Just a generation ago it was not unusual—it was the norm—to institutionalize kids like my son Charlie and then there’d be no debate. And perhaps some (explicitly or not) would prefer that things be this way, that they not have to think about how to make a place for people who don’t act, look, sound, in ways that are familiar to themselves and in ways that they think are appropriate and normal.
Through these past 11 years, Jim and I have made it a sort of mantra to take Charlie to as many places as we can. Charlie dearly loves to be in the city, to be amid the constant busyness, smell the smells and pass a constant stream of delis and restaurants, ride the subway, be amid a crowd yet still be by himself. Being on the street and in motion is the easiest; going into a place—an art museum; someone’s apartment in Brooklyn–is a lot more challenging. Wherever we are, it seems that Charlie stands out more and more as he gets older. Sometimes this is because he’s vocalizing without words or with words in short phrases said a few times over. Other times it’s just because he’s clearly a pre-adolescent, but he doesn’t hold his body or otherwise “act” like boys his age. He’s the proverbial “square peg” and society just keeps making round holes: How to help Charlie not exactly “fit in,” but to make his way into the world as smoothly (bump-free) as possible?
It is possible, I believe. I mean—on a more light-hearted note after a lot of intense discussion—this actress started off as a “square peg” and now here she is on the silver screen version of a somewhat infamous TV series.
(But a definitely fictional one not about reality.)
Tags: adam race, adults, alex barto, asd, asperger, autism, autism blog, catholic, disabilities blog, eli stone, Family, family blog, mercury, Movies, Parenting, pdd-nos, Religion, sara jessica parker, sex and the city, tvRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Adolescence, Adulthood, Charlisms, Disability Rights, Media, Movies, Stereotypes, Vaccines, new york
8 opinions for Square Pegs
Bonnie
May 30, 2008 at 7:02 am
We are finding that our son too is often the “square peg” at just about every place lately, so much so that he can’t even be taken, but that’s a whole other story. Funny you should bring this whole conversation up as I was just speaking with his Spanish teacher from a community ed program I signed him up for. She was super, and I wish all teachers in the school system were like him. I told her how much I appreciated her letting him be in her class, and me with him (I was the only parent, but it was a necessary evil for everyone involved to enjoy and get something out of the class). I explained to her how so many kids with Autism are denyed the opportunities to do extracurricular activities due to lack of the instructors experience and/or knowledge with Autism. She looked at me as if this was unfathomable, in a genuine way. God bless her!
Kristina Chew, PhD
May 30, 2008 at 8:08 am
Yes!
I’ve had a very nice response from the music teacher who’s been teaching Charlie cello at his school. She’s been very helpful and keeps pushing to try more. And, she doesn’t “talk down” to him—her experience with special needs kids is limited, and it’s been a very warming experience.
Club 166
May 30, 2008 at 9:14 am
Sometimes I think that “lack of experience with special needs kids” is actually an asset.
One of Buddy Boy’s best “teachers” was a high school kid who taught swimming at the “Y”. He related to him as he was, didn’t try to make him “normal”, yet got him to do many things that other teachers before and since haven’t been able to.
Joe
Mary
May 30, 2008 at 1:03 pm
It’s strange to me that in 2008 any child would continue to be cast out.
I would not agree with that on any level, including disruptive ADD children who often have anger issues and are often shunned, labeled and pushed off as deviant, due to nothing more than their need for more attention,
Bonnie Sayers
May 31, 2008 at 6:40 pm
Here is a nice story on Bittersweet Farms:
Bittersweet Farm betters autistic lives
http://www.nbc24.com/news/news_story.aspx?id=140564
Kristina Chew, PhD
May 31, 2008 at 11:55 pm
More “square talk” at Asperger Square 8 (with graphics).
Bonnie Sayers
Jun 1, 2008 at 12:35 am
I posted the link to a story about Bittersweet Farms. It might have been this story since I clicked on adults and used one of those articles to post it. Anyway this is to let you know it is probably in moderation.
Melanie, Bobby's mom
Jun 2, 2008 at 10:44 am
Like Kristina said, it’s much easier to take our son somewhere involving motion - parks, pools, places where kids can move and yell and not disturb everyone else too much. Maybe I’m a little selfish, but if it’s going to churn my personal stomach acid to take Bobby somewhere (like a family wedding), we just don’t take him and that means maybe we don’t go at all. I don’t like to be miserable/stressed, I don’t want to set Bobby up for problems that he can’t control, and I don’t want to disturb others either.
As he gets older and learns appropriate behavior (or as close as he can reasonably manage) then he can go to weddings, etc., but at age 4.5, why bother? Really, how many 4 year olds can sit through a wedding or long church sermon quietly?
Yes, Bobby is a square peg in most situations, so I try to choose those situations carefully. Sometimes I probably underestimate his ability to be calm and am too cautious, but when something flops (like our attempts at the library story time or bowling) it flops spectacularly and we are all in tears. So, I’m gonna be cautious about events requiring calm and self-control on his part to avoid a nervous breakdown on my part!
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