Teaching Strategy #15: Shhh
My “strategies,” or techniques, or whatever word you wish to use, for helping Charlie when he’s in tantrum mode or when I can hear and feel one building up in him, have changed over the years. I’ve “ignored” (i.e., pretended to ignore, if that is possible) tantrums. I’ve said (this was the most futile technique) “stop!”. I’ve redirected Charlie to some activity that might redirect his thoughts, such as a puzzle or building a simple Lego structure or playing the piano. Charlie being 10 going on 11 now, doing puzzles only works semi-well (how many puzzles can one do over a lifetime?). Since he is tall (basically my height), strong, with bigger feet than mine, and has at one time or other done many of the “challenging behaviors” that you may have heard autistic kids doing, we’ve had to think long and hard to think of the best way to help Charlie when’s he frustrated, anxious, and angry.
I have been doing something very simple: I avoid talking. I’ve noted that when I’m nervous, I tend to talk too much and say those things that one wishes in hindsight that one had not said. Barrages of words—especially requests and demands (”let’s do this now,” “stop doing that,” “please be quiet,” “please sit still”)—-seem to grate on Charlie, and to stoke his anxiety (visible in his tensed mouth and eyes) into a potential fever pitch. Just now we worked our way through some yowly minutes; Charlie had sat down to play the piano already “on edge” and, when he was not sure how to play one song, his anxiety increased fast and immediate. I reminded myself, “No talking!” and pointed to the notes, touched his shoulder lightly so he’d know to play with his left hand…….”No words right now” I reminded myself.
It was not the best or the most perfect of piano practices but Charlie played every song. Five minutes afterwards, I found him grinning on my bed and hurrying, at my request, to get his swimsuit.
Tags: asd, asperger, autism, autism spectrum disorder, behavior, children, Family, Language, mothers, pdd-nos, Psychology, shhhh, talkingRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Language, Parenting, Teaching Strategies
13 opinions for Teaching Strategy #15: Shhh
Deborah
Jan 29, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Hmm.. That makes sense. I’ll have to use more of that. I recognize what you’re talking about when I think of my 16yo Aspie son. When he is agitated, anything I say just makes it worse. He was only diagnosed recently, so I am learning a lot in a brief time. When he was younger, I knew he was different but not why. I figured out what worked and what didn’t with him by trial and error (lots of errors!) and one thing that worked was keeping words to a minimum. I would say “shoes” when I wanted him to put his shoes on and force myself to button my lips and not add any other words. It usually worked well to keep us from getting side tracked into arguments over the right way to put shoes on, etc. Normally, i didn’t have to tell him to do anything else to get ready to leave unless he got side tracked.
kristen
Jan 29, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Kristina, this strategy works for us too. My son quiets so much faster if we just stop talking. He also has a habit of putting up his hands as if to ward off the words.
Autismville
Jan 29, 2008 at 9:49 pm
I’m thinking I’ll try this with my 7 year old NT daughter. :)
K.C.'s Mommy
Jan 29, 2008 at 11:11 pm
Way to go Charlie! Way to go Mom!
I have found that when K.C. is getting anxious words make it worse. He wants to hear nothing when he’s getting frustrated, silence is the best method :)
Cliff
Jan 30, 2008 at 12:02 am
I can say this carries over to myself extremely well exactly. If you attempt to communicate when I’m fighting an internal battle, the only thing that you’ve probably done if created the possibility that I’m going to lash out a bit.It’s sort of because when you’re dealing with something that you have to deal with at least emotionally, it’s not good to have to deal with another puzzle on top of that (puzzle being often decoding and dealing with that language), and it just adds rapidly to the stress.
Cliff
Samantha Pierce
Jan 30, 2008 at 10:43 am
Even when he’s not on the verge of a melt down too many words confuse my oldest (he’s 6). I’ve seen him eagerly run off to do what I asked only to stop three paces away to say, “Uh, say that again.”
When he is approaching a melt down too many words are like smoking while you pump gas.
Marilena
Jan 30, 2008 at 11:24 am
Kristina, I know exactly what you are talking about, for my son too in many cases silence is gold, regards.
Emily
Jan 30, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Kristina, I found a long time ago when teaching middle school students that the best way to respond to the students with ADHD was exactly what you describe: as few additional inputs as possible while providing encouragement. I pretty much instinctively have always done the same thing with TH, who trusts me implicitly to be his “safe place” when he’s anxious or worried. He becomes overwhelmed with the least distraction, and your observation that adding as little to that as possible is effective is right on for us.
Regan
Jan 30, 2008 at 3:19 pm
It’s funny how people start talking even more to a language challenged person when they don’t understand or demonstrate anxiety. Well, actually not all that funny because we had a very bad experience with an EEG tech chattering the more anxious the situation became. I had to give her a big “SHHHHH”. I still have to try and explain to other professionals–sometimes they get it, and sometimes not.
When Eleanor starts getting uptight because of the hubris around her is the time to clam up, hunker down on my heels and take a minute. So far, so good.
Becca
Feb 1, 2008 at 12:16 pm
The same technique works with Henry. In fact, it works even better if he can take a “time out” in his room, by himself, away from any and all stimulus. I remember so well as a child hating, just HATING to be spoken to and touched when I was upset. My own sensory issues!
crissy
Feb 4, 2008 at 3:58 pm
I’ve been doing this for a while myself with my daughter Brianna, and It works well for her. Sometimes, less is best!
The Dating Game: Who’s babysitting?
Feb 16, 2008 at 2:51 am
[…] Charlie is very used to being with individuals who have a lot of knowledge of autism; why the more you talk to him, the more he can get agitated; what to do if he does get really upset. As he’ll be in an […]
Bonnie Sayers
Jun 20, 2008 at 6:25 pm
The stop works once in awhile here. Recently I started talking really softly and then just mouthing the words and he seems to find it funny and that distracts him from whatever was irritating him.
Lately he has been under doorways with his head all the way back against the doorjam. It looks like half of an arch or backbend. My neighbor noticed it while at the front door talking about cats and said I should hold him and let him do a back bend thing, but he will not allow that. I have a Yoga autism book but not sure of the poses. I am going to wait for camp that starts July 1 and mention to teacher and see if they can try something in their sensory room for him. I was thinking maybe a chiropractor and recall there was a book on the subject - will have to look for that at amazon.
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