Teaching Strategy #18: Walking Side By Side
Sunday brought another report of an individual on the autism spectrum—13-year-old Anthony Kiraly, who has Asperger Syndrome, of Empire, Wisconsin—-who wandered away from his home and was found 20 miles away after the Sheriff’s Department had been contacted and conducted a full-scale search by ground and helicopter. Elopement—wandering—has been a not-uncommon story in the news both this summer and in general.
A number of states (and, in my own state of New Jersey, a number of counties) have instituted Project Lifesaver. A child is issued a special tracking device that can be worn around an ankle or wrist. The device looks more or less like a watch; a friend’s child has one, and it’s quite a big plastic piece on his little wrist.
At the moment, Charlie does not have a Project Lifesaver device. There was one afternoon some years ago when I thought Charlie was by the car and he wasn’t anywhere to be seen; after a frantic drive/run round the neighborhood, he was found standing on my neighbor’s front lawn, holding the hand of another neighbor, whose backyard he had run into. We posited that the one neighbor’s big black (and very gentle) dog, Daisy, had scared Charlie and he’d run into the other neighbor’s yard (which also had a very tempting play structure).
That was about as far as Charlie has gotten on his own and he’s the kind of kid who, if he’s going anywhere, is going to go where he’s been before. Nonetheless, one can’t take any chances. Charlie being 11 and with a growing sense of what’s ok by him and not, and what he wants and not (much encouraged and welcomed by us), I don’t think he’d be too willing to have a bulky plastic device strapped to his ankle, and definitely not to his arm. At school, he’s learning to carry a wallet that contains an ID card and, tonight, he recited my cell phone number perfectly clearly (meaning, I can never change my number).
Charlie also worked on stopping at the sidewalk and crossing the street last year at school. And, thanks regular bike rides in the streets of our town—during which Jim taught Charlie to stop at each stop sign and “squeeze brakes”—-Charlie has been slowly learning to, yes, stop before going into an intersection. I really think it’s doing this time and time again that have gotten the idea into his head. The walks we regularly take, up the hill that runs through our condo complex and around New York City and elsewhere, have taught Charlie to more or less stay with us, even without holding hands. I most certainly hold Charlie’s hand (and sometimes his shirt or jacket) when we’re crossing a busy street or when we have to rush to catch a train, but it’s been important to teach him to walk alongside us, and no hands held.
A very important aspect of this for us is Keeping Calm, and Not Saying More Words Than We Have To, and Not Showing Obvious Alarm About Anything. I suppose that might sound like rather odd advice in what can—what is—a potentially life and death situation, if one’s child runs into traffic and/or wanders away. But in practicing having Charlie walk beside us without holding hands—which is sometimes necessary; say you’ve got a load of stuff to carry and you have to cross a parking lot to get to the car—-if we get, and act, alarmed and yell out and, well, hysterical, Charlie picks immediately up on those emotions, gets caught in the moment, and starts running or at least getting over-excited himself, and is more liable to start moving really, really fast.
It is possible—with practice!—to walk side by side. It’s a small skill; it’s worth it.
Because I’m afraid I won’t be able to hold Charlie’s hand forever.
Tags: asd, asperger, autism, autism blog, disabilities blog, disability, Family, family blog, Health, holding hands, Parenting, pdd-nos, project lifesaver, Safety, traffic, walkingRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Bike, New Jersey, Parenting, Safety, Teaching Strategies
9 opinions for Teaching Strategy #18: Walking Side By Side
Maddy
Jul 14, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Yes indeed!
Holding hands sounds so much better than ‘vice like grip!’
I wonder if they give a discount for a second purchase?
Cheers
bev
Jul 14, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Thanks for this. Such a good observation you make about the communication of panic and how this creates panic in others. Because you are aware that Charlie is most definitely not “trapped in his own world,” but is indeed very attenuated to your emotions, you are able to help him stay calm and safe.
Laura
Jul 14, 2008 at 1:31 pm
That’s great advice at the end about SOUNDING calm. That’s a problem for me. I panic and think if I sound panicked, my daughter will pay more attention more quickly. As you can imagine, that’s not usually the case. Teaching her to walk along side us is definitely a challenge - she has a very strong independent streak (which is GREAT long-term!!) so she LOVES to walk way ahead of us.
Regan
Jul 14, 2008 at 2:15 pm
“…A very important aspect of this for us is Keeping Calm, and Not Saying More Words Than We Have To, and Not Showing Obvious Alarm About Anything…”
Absolutely. This has applied to my reactions with Eleanor, and the collateral benefit is that she herself stays fairly collected and listens because her emotions are not on red alert and the words have meaning. For me this was a learned behavior and I value the lesson.
Unfortunately, she is going to have to interact with those with more heightened, and possibly inappropriate, reactions to small events, so I need to help her figure out strategies to keep from becoming overanxious in response to someone else’s less controlled reaction.
Janice
Jul 14, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Your point about being able to remain calm and to help develop those life skills (such as walking alongside a family member) hit home for me. We’ve been working on these with Constance over the past few months as we realize that she’s getting too big to hold onto me and not pull me over. It’s even worse with her aging grandparents.
Doing this has also made her more mindful of how and where she’s walking. She’s less likely to trip and fall if she’s paying some attention to where she’s going.
But it’s the first point about keeping calm that I keep coming back to when I read your post. So many people assert that autistic children aren’t aware of or interested in others’ emotions. On the contrary, I find that my daughter’s amazingly sensitive about emotional states and if I seem to fret, she’ll verge on hysteria! I always knew that, but I hadn’t thought about this in conjunction with teaching personal skills. Now I see that staying in control, ourselves, is as important as showing the way to do things safely.
Kristina Chew, PhD
Jul 14, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Yes, fretting is a definite way to make Charlie really agitated!
If he’s at all upset in a public place, me staying calm also seems to help any bystanders. They tend to look at me and when they see I’m not (hopefully) getting over-excited myself (or not seeming to), they walk on.
Kristina Chew, PhD
Jul 15, 2008 at 11:03 pm
In Omaha this afternoon, a 7-year-old autistic boy was missing for 2 hours and wandered for 3 miles before he was found.
Kristina Chew, PhD
Jul 16, 2008 at 6:04 pm
23-year old Jonathan Notoris, who has autism, has been missing since Tuesday when he “stormed out of the TGI Friday’s restaurant at the Dolphin Mall” in Miami, according to CBS4 news.
Kristina Chew, PhD
Jul 20, 2008 at 8:56 pm
This list is getting too long—in Ipwichs (Australia), a 22 year old autistic man has been missing since he ran off in Goolman Conservation Park.
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