The Day That Never Comes? Never!
Am not exactly thinking of the newly released Metallica song (I’m more likely to be found listening to this artist) with the title “The Day That Never Comes.” As the mother of an autistic son, I’ve caught myself sighing a phrase like “the day that never comes” from time to time. Charlie is 11 now, adolescent and pre-teen. Watching him running his feet through the sand at the beach, I feel more and more aware that the “gap” between him and children his age grows with each year. Charlie’s not sneaking furtive looks at the opposite sex, not doing a mini-victory dance if he gets a good ride on a wave with his boogie board. He’s as interested in the sand and the in and out of the waves as he ever was, as he was when he was a toddler. His shoulders are perfectly bronzed, and strong.
At such moments, a parent might start to think about the first date, the driver’s license, the prom, and lament these as milestones whose day will never come. A parent might start to feel like the nevers and the nots are piling up, and the days of “never going to happen” as just the way things are.
And a parent can also say, never say never. Look at what’s in front of you, at the things that have come and are emerging: More words or just communication, comprehension; a boy learning to surf and trying to stand on a surfboard—-this being the boy who took a long long time to walk (16 months) and whose assymetrical scoot led to a daycare teacher offering a medical-looking walker for him to try.
The day does come, not looking as one might have imagined it. And a little surprise can go a long way.
Tags: , asd, asperger, autism, autism blog, disabilities blog, disability, kids, kids blog, metallica, mommyblog, ocean, parenthood, Parenting, pdd-nos, surfing, swimming, the day that never comes
4 opinions for The Day That Never Comes? Never!
Karen
Aug 21, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Amen, Kristina. If we spend too much time lamenting over the ‘have-nots,’ not only will we render ourselves miserable, we’ll miss all the good that we do have.
As usual, you’ve touched on something that I think is important for ALL parents to remember.
Robin H. Morris
Aug 21, 2008 at 9:46 pm
….and so a new reality creates a vista; the never say never mantra is virtually foolproof, the hues of the horizon merge, and that is our strength. Look forward, it will not fail; the complexion of success may look different, but the ‘good’ will emerge.
xr
Leila
Aug 22, 2008 at 12:21 am
Reading your post and listening to Neko Case… Pretty cool.
Eleanor
Aug 22, 2008 at 10:55 am
This definitely touches a chord with me. My son has talked in the last year or so (he’s 8) about wanting to get a driver’s license when he’s a teen, and wanting to get married and have kids when he is an adult. While I’m not sure those things will ever happen, I firmly believe “never say never.” I try to encourage him but let him know that some things are harder for some people than for others. He knows he has autism, but he doesn’t appear to view it as any kind of limitation. All in all, I think that is a good thing. He is capable of some pretty amazing stuff. Just not the typical stuff!
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: