The most devastating thing: Thinking of what happened at Virginia Tech
I am the mother of an Asian American boy. I don’t usually describe him this way: My son Charlie is autistic, and when I tell people about him, his diagnosis precedes his ethnicity. Charlie is half Irish American from his dad, but when you look at Charlie—-dark brown eyes and black hair—-that half does not stand out, not immediately.
And I don’t know what to think when I see the face of an Asian American boy, a college student (and I teach college students), everywhere on the Internet, on the front page of the newspaper this morning; when I see Cho Seung-Hui, the student who, two days ago, opened fire in a dorm and in a classroom building on the campus of Virginia Tech and killed 32 people, and committed suicide. Three of the students who were killed were from New Jersey, one from a town we pass through sometimes, one from where one of Charlie’s instructors is from. Five professors were killed, two who taught in the foreign languages department and three in the engineering department. Another young Asian man, a freshman who emigrated from China as a child, was killed. I read about how he did not know English when he started school in the US.
It has been said that receiving an autism diagnosis is the “most devastating,” “most overwhelming” thing a parent can hear; that finding out one’s child has autism is like losing that child.
I think about how, just around 3.30pm, I will see the door of the yellow school bus open and Charlie pause to step down to the ground, then run across the lawn, and I keep thinking about the faces of those who are gone, and the families who will not see them again.
remembering
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POSTED IN: China, Crime, Race & Ethnicity
17 opinions for The most devastating thing: Thinking of what happened at Virginia Tech
Mamaroo
Apr 18, 2007 at 10:09 am
Every time I see Cho Seung-Hui’s face, I can see the resemblance of a boy who I taught in high school. The boy who he reminds me of was a student of mine with AS. I am just so sad about this whole tragedy. It is sad to hear the two roommates talk about Cho Seung-Hui and how he was such a loner and a disturbed individual. I wish someone had reached out to him more aggressively than they had. He just does not have the face of a killer to me. But I guess we can never know what is inside a person’s mind.
I am counting my blessings as a hold my two boys tightly.
Christine
Apr 18, 2007 at 11:10 am
Very nice post, Kristina. Two of those who were injured graduated from our local HS. And two of my colleagues work at VT. It all seems so surreal. Something like this touches all of us.
julie
Apr 18, 2007 at 11:22 am
It certainly puts into perspective that it can always be so much worse.
Kristina Chew, PhD
Apr 18, 2007 at 12:01 pm
I was just talking to one of my students and she is friends with a sister of one of the students who was from New Jersey.
Erin
Apr 18, 2007 at 12:26 pm
It breaks my heart when I see the faces of those who were killed, their beautiful faces. Such tragedy.
Maria
Apr 18, 2007 at 3:21 pm
I cringed today when I read this passage in the ABC News online article (http://abcnews.go.com/Health/VATech/story?id=3050483&page=1) discussing whether Cho might be suffering from paranoid schizophrenia:
“But here was someone who, as early as 2005, was carrying himself so strangely that he was a spectacle. The depressed withdraw and disappear. Those who are so peculiar in their manner so as to be inappropriate (taking cell phone pictures of his teacher, speaking inaudibly, pulling a cap low over his eyes) exhibit signs and symptoms more indicative of schizophrenia. He was communicating in a rambling manner reflective of what we appreciate as autistic thinking — characteristic of schizophrenia. In a similar vein, Mr. Cho’s stilted communication in his homicide note (deceitful charlatans — not the language of a 23-year-old college kid) is also the manner of a schizophrenic’s communications, as is his pronounced delay in responding to questions.”
Kassiane
Apr 18, 2007 at 5:40 pm
The whole thing is a huge tragedy. THIS is the most devestating thing, I think, a parent can hear: “your child isn’t coming home from school alive, because of XYZ”. Especially hearing it from the TV.
Someone sat down on the job, be it security or teachers or counseling, but assigning blame won’t get those lives back…other schools can learn…but VT already has a scar…that’s what real devestation looks like.
Kristina Chew, PhD
Apr 18, 2007 at 5:52 pm
And now there is speculation concerning Cho and a possible diagnosis.
In comparison: Here are some responses among Asian Americans in Let It Be Some Other ‘Asian’ by Andrew Lam at New American Media.
Linda McShane
Apr 19, 2007 at 7:52 pm
It was revealed today that Cho got a diagnosis of autism when he came to the US. At eight years old or older, I think it is too late. There appears to have been no support, no help with communication and socialization. The college did not know? Here’s the link:
http://www.kwtx.com/home/headlines/7101526.html
Sandra
Apr 19, 2007 at 11:04 pm
As soon as I heard about Cho Seung-Hui’s personal characteristics, I thought perhaps he was a person with high functioning autism or Asperger’s Syndrome. Those who support the autistic community do not need to become defensive if this theory proves to have substance; but instead use this tragedy to help alleviate the suffering of those so afflicted and their families.
Kristina Chew, PhD
Apr 20, 2007 at 1:54 am
Thanks, Linda, for the link. I thought the same, Sandra; I agree, whatever possible diagnoses Cho might have had, turning attention to those suffering in the wake of the tragedy is more than called for. Is what needs to be done.
Lynn Redbug
Apr 20, 2007 at 8:44 am
I agree with Sandra. Reading about Cho’s strange behaviors made me wonder if he was autistic. I, too, was suspected mute as a child. I could write very well but had trouble speaking. I went through kindergarten without uttering a word. I interpretted a hello and especially a “how are you” as deceitful. Why bother asking “how are you?” when nobody really wants to know how you really are doing? I felt it was me against the world. After knowing I had AS and knowing that I’m different it made me understand myself so much better. I can see why he slipped through the crack. I wasn’t dianosed until I was 29. Although I now understand why I had those thoughts, I can definitely see my 14 year old self (when I hit the bottom) in Cho. The only difference between us was I was too young to buy guns.
Rochelle
Apr 20, 2007 at 11:06 am
It’s also important to note that English was Cho’s second language. It’s not uncommon for children with language interference (such as learning more than one language at a time) to be delayed in speaking both. He was also reluctant to speak in class because of his accent. He had communication abilities (i.e., creative writing) but, it seems, he was ashamed of his dialect.
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Andrew, Ph.D.
Apr 20, 2007 at 12:48 pm
As an Asian American father of a 5 year old autistic child, this really hits home! I think the take home message for my family is to keep up the support for my son, keep him engaged. Find friends and therapists with whom he can form real human bonds. Also, the silver lining behind this extremely tragic incident is that MAYBE healthcare professionals will be forced into better recognition of autistic symptoms, and therapists and counselors will learn more as well. Also, maybe we can get more support from government, schools, and insurance companies for better treatment so that more incidents like these can be nipped in the bud.
Also as a lifetime NRA member I must decide what to do with my guns. We already know to minimize exposure of our son to violence lest he form an interest in dark things, but every good defender of the 2nd ammendment wants to pass his/her attitudes and ownership, and care of firearms, love of our Constitution, and our country to his children. I know now I must keep firearms locked up and out of reach until I know for sure he is well-adjusted enough to handle them responsibly - and I have to be prepared in case that is “never”.
Zaecus
Apr 21, 2007 at 6:48 am
We can’t know that he wouldn’t speak or wouldn’t interact out of shame.
That piles everything on one, dead kid, and while that might be very freeing, relieving us of a lot of potential responsibility, it doesn’t address the issue.
The ‘profile’ that keeps getting mentioned has a very serious element to it; the people who are likely to do this have been the target of systematic, relentless bullying.
If you honestly can’t understand what that’s like and can’t know the complex array of both psychological and physiological processes that can keep anyone, autistic or not, from speaking in order to survive, then I envy you, and I’ll work very hard at feeling nothing more negative because you don’t deserve it.
There’s a “reach out to loners” campaign going on that made me shudder because it seems intent on encouraging all the popular kids to pull the loners out of their shells. People who are really loners, and really being left alone, don’t become mass murderers like this, and those who have the background of abuse aren’t likely to trust what most NT people think of as ‘reaching out.’
After all, one of the things I read was a comment to the reach out program was someone asking how you talk to “people like dat.” The answer is simple; you don’t.
You listen. Even if they’re not saying anything, you don’t get bored and go find something more important to do because that’s the best they expect from you. You don’t start badgering them or worse because that’s exactly what the kind of person you’re trying to reach out to expects from the world. You sit. You listen. You figure it out from there because, if you’re really listening, it’s not a project anymore.
It’s a person.
[Note: My comment is not intended to be an attack on anyone. I have been unable to post about this, since finding out about his “possible” diagnosis (for me, it was a confirmation not a revelation), and it’s important to me that I say something because I don’t feel as much need to protect autistics from bad publicity as I do to protect people like Cho, like I came very close to being, from being heaped with even more assumptions.]
Kristina Chew, PhD
Apr 21, 2007 at 12:03 pm
I’m glad you posted it, Zaecus—not surprisingly, it seems that many are trying to figure out who to point a finger at, who to blame, and I think everyone is implicated, to some degree.
And thanks especially for posting this:
This seems to be one of the hardest things for some to do—just to listen, not talk back, or simply to talk, only to listen. I’ve been noting that sometimes my son talks and he tells me “all done” or something like that when I do—-he wants to talk, not to listen to me. After all, it is I who have been doing most of the talking for so long.
Kristina Chew, PhD
Apr 21, 2007 at 12:05 pm
To Andrew: As soon as I heard that an Asian or Asian American might be involved, it really hit home with me too. Autism has become such a big part of my family’s life because of my son, but Cho’s being Asian has struck me most.
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