The Most Important Time of the Day
This would be, I often think, the time that Charlie’s schoolbus pulls up and I see his big brown eyes looking aslant out the window. (For ESY 2007, That Time has been 1:05pm, if not earlier.)
For the past six years, I have arranged my work schedule according to that time; when I can, I have sought out shortcuts from work to home and bothered Jim to help me find them; I have learned which stop lights seems to last longer and at what point to switch out of the left lane on Routes 1 & 9 south so I can merge onto the ramp for highway 78; I know how many minutes it takes to walk, run, or race-walk from my office to my car; I drive home on what has been called “equal parts roller coaster and demolition derby” because it is more direct, and (all important) faster. I have never missed the bus, though there have been some hair-raising moments and I once did call the bus company about four times in ten minutes to give them an exaggerated rundown of how, due to construction on local road, I just might not make it to the driveway to meet the bus. (I did make it, with a bit of time to spare.) The cell phone is my trusty appendage at these moments—-ok, ok, I know you’re not supposed to drive while talking but what happens if you’re not there to meet your child’s schoolbus……….?
My friend and sister-blogger Madeline at Whitterer on Autism exactly conveys that feeling of “I have to meet that school bus and my life—-my fate in the Afterworld—-depends on it.” She even posits a possible fate for those children whose mothers (shame on them) do not make it home in time to meet the bus and provides a rationale for why driving fast under these circumstances will only cause more delays—should an officer give you a ticket, or worse….. Rather than quote from it, I encouraged you to read her post, Sophie’s Choice if you have not already—-but fasten your seatbelt as it’s a wild ride! (And familiar, for some of us.)
Not that life in any lane with my son Charlie is not quite a ride unto itself—–it is always a great adventure, and I hope I can keep figuring out ways to navigate through it.
All while keeping my eyes on the road, and the speed dial.
13 opinions for The Most Important Time of the Day
Jennifer
Jul 30, 2007 at 6:57 pm
I don’t know if this helps, but it’s actually a fairly common occurrence at my school, especially on early dismissal days. The bus simply brings the child back to school, and the school runs through the emergency contact list.
I once waited with a student until nearly 5 p.m., because her parents had gone out of town for the day and had car trouble.
Kristina Chew, PhD
Jul 30, 2007 at 7:20 pm
I did not know that—-there really isn’t anyone who could actually pick up Charlie on the contact list. I’m the #1 and Jim, who is usually in NYC on weekdays, is #2—–for a time last year, the live-in nurse with my in-laws offered to help in a pinch. She left a few weeks ago and we have not wanted to impose on the new nurse.
As a parent, I also worry about how Charlie would respond at seeing no one appear—-and finding himself en route back to school!
Jennifer
Jul 30, 2007 at 7:25 pm
Hm. Our district requires that people on the contact list could pick a student up.
As to the second — yes, it is hard on some kids. My response varies by child — some get to go back to class for extra time with the teachers, while I wait outside others who equate a certain spot with “waiting for the bus.” It’s not easy, but I think it’s better than being taken to a central hub or transportation office where no one knows the child.
And, by the way, the summer after our dad died, I picked my brother up at school every day rather than having him ride the bus (he liked the extra one-on-one attention) and I once got stuck in traffic and nearly had a heart attack. Wasn’t trying to minimize that panic; just offering that most districts have procedures in place and that it’s not uncommon as one might think. :-)
Joeymom
Jul 30, 2007 at 7:52 pm
Here they take the kid back to school, too. Once I was desperately sick when the bus pulled up, and they took him back to school before I could drag myself from the bathroom to the front door. Right now the driver knows one of my emergency contacts is the mom of another one of her drop-offs, so she has agreed to just drop him with teh other kids. We haven’t had to revert to that yet. We got that understanding when I showed up to pick up those kids one day because my friend had an emergency and was stuck at the hospital with her third. All the connections got made in common sense. ;)
I still rush home for the bus.
KimJ
Jul 30, 2007 at 8:26 pm
I don’t know about the current school district, but back in CA, if you weren’t there at the bus stop (your house) they called the cops. There were other bugs in the system that made us cancel bus service with them but we sure didn’t like that idea.
Kristina Chew, PhD
Jul 30, 2007 at 9:02 pm
This story from Tennessee—a 9 year old autistic student was sexually assaulted while on a special ed bus—-can only add to any worries.
mcewen
Jul 30, 2007 at 9:50 pm
Well thank you so much for adding to my sanity quotient for the day! But I would point out that if you had taken my sage advice and invested in a motorized scooter you’d whizz through that traffic. Come to think of it, maybe I should invest in one myself! Sage takes sage advice.
Cheers
Daisy
Jul 30, 2007 at 10:24 pm
This is one of my stressors when school is in session. Amigo has finally learned to manage his anxiety to the point where he can stay home “alone” for a few minutes if the bus is early or if I am a bit late
Kristina Chew, PhD
Jul 30, 2007 at 11:04 pm
A motorized scooter on the (shoulderless) Pulaski Skyway would be a wild one indeed (great views of Manhattan, not that one should be looking)——-I really don’t know who I could put down if it were someone who could actually pick Charlie up. At first it seemed like asking the live-in nurse was a reasonable solution, but that didn’t work out.
So I will continue to drive in high anxiety—Jennifer, your comments give me reassurance!
Kristina Chew, PhD
Jul 31, 2007 at 8:53 am
Another family in Tennessee (Nashville area) is saying that their autistic child was abused on the same bus.
mumkeepingsane
Jul 31, 2007 at 9:36 am
If Patrick was, just once, driven back to school because I wasn’t home he would probably never want to get off the bus at our house again. Or, he’d decide to get off early, or he’d stand instead of sit every time the bus got near our house, or, or, or….It really would be a disaster. Luckily I have several backup plans, an understanding bus driver, and a really fast truck!
Caroline L.
Aug 1, 2007 at 9:25 am
I have been thinking about this for a few days at the most important time of day!
I have read everyone’s comments and I wonder if these kinds of real life ‘natural environment’ situations could be integrated into each child’s therapy - to teach the child that changes in bus routine happen, that anxiety-inducing as these situations can be for anyone - they can get through it with practice and learn flexibility.
when my child developed rigid behavior, as a result of very expensive and poorly delivered ‘therapy’, we worked hard to reteach flexibility in the ‘natural environment’. that included a lot of mass transit.
(we also constantly model age-appropriate verbal responses to frustrating situations, to let our child know its okay to be ‘nervous’ and ’scared’, but to talk about it, not have a ‘freak out’.) basically I am re-teaching my child how to whine.
Building a program to address potential bus situations may sound time consuming and expensive, but I bet the bus drivers would be all for helping out! The bus drivers are great in my experience, and always have my cel phone, or radio to the bus company when they are going to be early or need to drop off at a different location.
athina
Aug 1, 2007 at 12:11 pm
Fortunately, I get off work an hour before the school bus brings the little guy home, so I have plenty of time to get there. It so happened though, that once I was at home and didn’t realize that the bus was outside waiting. After a few minutes, I decided to go out to wait for the bus. At the same time, I heard crying and screaming that sounded familiar to me. I ran to the bus to find my son all upset, with his face red and wet with tears, repeating over and over ‘mommy comes, here’s mommy’ and the desperate girl who assists the driver trying to calm him down! ‘He thought you wouldn’t come to pick him up’ she said. As soon as he was in my arms, he calmed down and after a while he asked for water. I think I was more upset than him, feeling so guilty with myself that I caused this to my child. It was more tragic to me than it was for him, I think. But, I can cope, he doesn’t.
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: